The Lethal Cocktail of Suicidal Empathy & Lack of Boundaries

Hi Beautiful Soul,

Thank you so much for stopping by, with curiosity about this subject, that I am about to unfurl before you today!

As someone who resonates with the term empath, it has been a life long journey for me to become more empowered as an empathic Soul. That is why I am so passionate when it comes to sharing my wisdom, knowledge, and valuable tools with other empaths. I know only too well the dangers of being so open, in a World full of people so ready to take advantage.

Suicidal Empathy is a term I believe comes from the very wise Gad Saad. It sums up so clearly the damaging effects of being too generous, to people who will basically weaponise your big heartedness. Knowing when to be open, and when to have boundaries up for protection and safety, is crucial for everyone's safety and well-being.

Gad Saad explains that empathy is a very noble virtue to have, yet it must be put out in the right way, the right amount, and at the right time, to the right people. If we give our empathy to another person, or a group or collective, at the cost to our own well being, or that of another group, or collective, then we now have created a potentially dangerous problem.

In the past, before I learnt about the importance of boundaries, or even the importance of being an empowered empath, I would "sleep walk" from one dysfunctional relationship to another. I found myself giving my all, to all the wrong people. Doing all the right things for people who didn't appreciate it yet took advantage big time of my generosity. It left me drained, and left them with an inflated ego.

I abandoned myself on repeat, for people who couldn’t care less about me, or my needs . They would never show up for me, the way I showed up for them. My energy was simply used like their drug of choice. I cared more about their needs than my own, and in truth they did too. This was taken advantage of massively. I was manipulated repeatedly to go along with ideas , or even actions, that went against my personal truth. This came at a huge cost, I lost everything as a result. And I mean everything! This is in a nut shell is suicidal empathy!

Great levels of empathy tend to be birthed from greater, or more extreme life experiences, and unfortunately greater experiences of trauma. Generally speaking, those who have experienced more trauma from a young age, will have deeper levels, or a larger capacity, to empathise with others in pain. The potential of great empathy can be birthed from great pain. The more you have been through, the more you can relate to a larger demographic of society.

If an empathic person has not begun the healing journey of those traumas, they are more likely to become victim of manipulation, coercive control , and unfortunately toxic, or even abusive situations, or relationships.

A person who has begun the healing process is more likely to bring forward critical thinking skills, before taking action , whereas the unhealed person, will tend to just rush in.

A healing, or healed empath is more likely to have boundaries in place, and more likely to hold them in place, more so than the unhealed empath.

Its fair to say humanity as a whole has had more than its fair share of trauma. From recent past events, to generational and ancestral traumas. So,it is easy to see how, and why suicidal empathy has been created, and is now showing up in such magnitude all around the World.

Currently we see people, especially it seems women, giving up their rights freely. Whole countries giving up their values and rich cultures! People virtue signalling their way into submission, rather than being real or true to themselves, and maintaining strong boundaries. Just as I once found myself "sleep walking" from one toxic relationship to another, I now see whole sections of humanity , even whole countries doing the very same thing!

Humanity is literally self-harming itself, through the desire to show up and help other members of society, to the point of self-destruction. Even to the point of breakdowns, or failure of once functioning, or at the least semi-functioning systems, put in place for safety and protection. Basically put boundary violation is rife in this day and age!

Even more worryingly, boundaries are being dropped freely to all the wrong people, for all the wrong reasons. Leaving often the most vulnerable of society left like "sitting ducks" as they are left open to perpetrators, opportunists, predatory behaviours and "preying vultures".

Without critical thinking, or common sense, or even future thinking, empathy becomes very harmful.

Healthy, or Empowered empathy, is when we can maintain boundaries, and our own identity yet still we are able to offer compassion and empathy. We do not compromise our own health, safety or well-being for others. We do not compromise our truth or identity. This is the ability to give sustainable and effective support, or help, that doesn't come at a cost to us , or the most vulnerable of society ever.

Unhealthy empathy leads to empathy fatigue, burnout, loss of self in some form, and also a diminished capacity to help anyone, including ourselves. This is why strong healthy boundaries are so important. Important for us on a personal level, and also important for society, and humanity as a whole.

You may have heard the term "put your oxygen mask on first". Yes it is something you will hear when you fly on an aircraft, yet the same applies in every day life too. Caring for yourself first is crucial not selfish. Obviously this must not come at the cost of others either, everything in balance is key. You can do so much better from this place, than to become a reckless martyr, putting the needs of everyone, and everything before your own needs.

Women especially have not only been heavily conditioned to abandon ourselves, we also by nature tend to be that little bit more empathic, tender and nurturing. We want to see the best in others, sometimes glossing over red flags, rather than admitting the truth to ourselves. This is something we must look deeply at and address. We must teach our young, as we learn ourselves, that empathy and compassion, must not come at a cost to our own wellbeing. We must not abandon ourselves, our needs, or our values, or core Soul identity for another person, group, collective, ideology, or anything such like.

If you are constantly showing up as the saviour or rescuer in relationships. If you are always taking on the emotional weight, or burdens of others. If you are forever prioritising the needs or rights of minorities, to the point it harms the rights, or even endangers the majority. If your empathy is leading to you going without important basic rights and needs, while others take full advantage of this. If your empathy is putting you in unsafe or harmful or compromising situations and environments. If your empathy is creating negative consequences you didn't intend to create, then its time to re-evaluate your ways of showing up for others. Its time to come back into balance.

Being empathic, compassionate, loving, kind and big hearted, are all such lovely traits to have.

Yet if we are not coming from a balanced place, it can create chaos, harm and danger very quickly.

We need balance in all we do. We need critical thinking before we take action. We need common sense, and forward thinking before we rush into anything. Boundaries put in place for all the right reasons, and maintained in healthy and strong ways, are very important when it comes to keeping people safe and healthy.

I do have an online course that goes deeper into this whole topic called "Empower Yourself"

Empower Yourself | Nayalla https://share.google/Xlp54vqLI88W7gVW6

Also keep a look out as I will most probably be running it as a live online coaching programme next year at some point too!

Thank you so much for taking the time to read this today.

I hope it enlightened you and helped you in some way!

Remember...

to be an empowered empath is to show up healthy and strong, and by example we lead others forward into a better reality for us all!

Be the change you wish to see in the World, and together we can make it that much brighter over time!

It always starts with us and then beautifully ripples outwards!

All my love your way

Nayalla 🌻